Although this enlightened freethinker has reservations about trusting any word that has an fra combo in its spelling, fracking seemed okay at first. And then I took a look at the bigger picture. This picture, actually.
The man pictured above is Rex W. Tillerson, CEO of ExxonMobil Corp., a company that takes advantage of fracking. At first glance, he seems like any other CEO of a top 10 Fortune 500 company. But take a closer look, and you'll find an inconvenient truth.
This man is actually an orange in disguise as a man. Its real name is Fonzy Snonen, of the Anoni tribe in southern England. A credible source has informed me that Snozen left the Anoni after a ruining an important tribal ritual known as the Asoeie, in which fruits take to the streets and cause chaos. Snonen allegedly allowed the terrified people to pay for mercy, and when his brethren found out, they ejected Snonen.
Furthermore, almost 50% of the ingredients of fracking according to this chart are unidentified. Unidentified? More like unidentifruit. That's right, that big red blob stands for 100% all natural grape juice. As you probably know, fellow freethinkers, the grape is the lowest in the fruity hierarchy.
So before you turn on the gas this winter, let's take a thought about what's bringing you that oil, and focus on cutting off one of the fruits' most crucial financial providers. We can sour them rotten if we just turn off our heat this winter. Put in a fireplace. Use coal. Use wood. Anything you can do to stop them will aid in our everlasting war on the fruits.
ya i hate fruits too
ReplyDeleteyee
DeleteAlthough it is odd, it is actually funny because it is so absurd.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds absurd, but it's really going on, right now.
DeleteI love how satirical this is. It pokes fun at the conspiracy theorists and it's very interesting. I never thought of fruits that way to be honest. But I'm wondering where you are going to go with this however. How will you write about this for two months? Eventually, will it get boring?
ReplyDeleteThis is not just a conspiracy theory--a theory means that there's a chance that it's wrong. This is 100% dexterously true. I will write about this for years, until we win the war on our fruity foes.
DeleteLiam, you're going too deep. You have no idea the kind of things you'll uncover. In fact this goes all the way back to Jonny Appleseed and involves ISIS (International Sweet Institute of Seeds). Back out now before they juice you.
ReplyDeleteIf it stops the fruits, I don't mind being juiced. The sweet circles and triangular tricksters need to be stopped, and I'm going to help.
DeleteThis was hilarious! I never thought you could take two subjects like fruit and fracking and make them into a comparison. I too completely distrust companies like this that don't inform us on the truth of what's happening
ReplyDeleteThis is, in fact, anything but funny. Every day, thousands of lives are claimed by the fruits. Did you know that at 100% of people that eat apples will die? It's a scary, yet true fact.
DeleteI liked the voice that you wrote this blog post in. It was really witty and funny.
ReplyDeleteThe voice that I wrote this in was the voice of the people, to defend them from the fruity fighters.
DeleteI found your blog to be slightly funny. However, I don't really understand where you're going with this.
ReplyDeleteThat's okay, I know it's a lot to swallow.
DeleteThis was super funny, it has lots of good voice and it makes people laugh.
ReplyDeleteI hope people don't laugh, unless it's with the voice of victory as they drive the fruits back to their homeland, Eieio.
DeleteThis is pretty funny. Even though oranges are my favorite fruits... LOL. I liked how you talked about the Illuminati and the acid. Very clever, & funny!
ReplyDeleteI'd strongly suggest you not choose a "favorite fruit." Soon enough you'll be thinking that they're trustworthy--this is far from the truth.
DeleteLiam this page is absolutely interesting because I have never thought of fracking and fruits together. This blog is a real eye opener. I look forward to more of your posts.
ReplyDeletefrom the best Anders K
I'm happy you like it and I hope you keep informed about the fruity menace.
DeleteThis is a very witty approach to a blog topic. I like how serious you made this threat seem.
ReplyDeleteI didn't have to do much work; the threat is serious enough on its own.
DeleteThis is serious! Hide your kids, hide your wife, but the fruits gon' find you!
ReplyDeleteHiding solves nothing. Take up the cause and fight!
DeleteSo, Liam. What has driven you to be a whislte - blower on the issue? It was very informative.
ReplyDelete7 years ago, I ate a clementine. It squirted a lot of juice in my eye, and I cried for hours. It was the moment I knew that the fruits were out to get me, and that I was the only one who could defend myself.
DeleteI liked the smooth turn from politics to the focus on fruits. It was very interesting.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, the fruits are so deeply entrenched in politics that anybody who really knows what's going on must talk about them.
DeleteI think your comparison is quite hyperbolic. You use a lot of fallacies that don't quite connect. I would like to see your sources for your information.
ReplyDeleteThe source I draw from is the TRUTH. There's no hyperbole, this is the TRUTH. You might think it's false, but you need to open your eyes a little wider and see the TRUTH.
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