We're back after a botanical break, and it's time to learn more about the enemy. Remember how you thought that fruits were just fruits? Think again. Brainwashed, pro-fruit scientists have identified several kinds of fruits, and here's some important ones you'll need to know about so that you can protect yourself.

Firstly, a fruit isn't the thing you think it is. From a scientific point of view, a fruit is a part of a plant that helps disperse seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds so that other plants can grow and make their own fruits to disperse their own seeds.

A berry, such as the blueberry, is a fleshy, thin-skinned fruit. Grapes and even avocados are berries, so watch out. Note that the strawberry, despite its name, is not a berry, because the seeds are on the outside and not on the inside. The best way to kill a berry for good is to douse it in lots and lots of salt mixed with the powdery stuff you find on Sour Patch Kids.

Next is the pepo, which is like a berry but with a thick skin that we call a rind. Pumpkins and watermelons are both a kind of pepo. The best way to protect yourself is to smash the rind with a hammer, heavy stick, or a chair.

Another kind of fruit is the hesperidium, which rhymes with mesteridium. It is like a pepo but with a leathery skin. All citrus fruits are examples, like oranges and limes and the loquacious lemon. The best offense is a good defense--citrus fruits really sting if you get them in your eyes. Because the normal writer of this blog gets vivid flashbacks due to previous citrus trauma, his friend Bill wrote this. 

A pome is a fruit with a core surrounded by a fleshy tissue for a skin that's edible. It's different from a berry because the seeds in a pome are inside the core, but berries have them right in the flesh. Apples and pears are famous kinds of pome. 

The deadly, dangerous drupe, or stone fruit, is a fruit with a hard stone around the seed. Usually this stone is called a pit. Peaches and olives are both kinds of drupes. Have you ever bought almonds from the supermarket? If you shop at one, it's more like a stupormarket.

The Illuminati have thousands of plants that take an almond fruit, and remove the pit. By selling you this pit, which they claim isn't a fruit, they are able to further penetrate the food industry with our fructoid foes.